THE ONE WHERE I AM ON THE VERGE OF GIVING UP ON THE F•R•I•E•N•D•S
So it’s starting to look like none of The F•R•I•E•N•D•S are ever going to reply to my offer to be my Vice Presidential running mate. Then again, it could still happen at any moment. I am not giving up.
Here’s how it’s looking so far:
FRIEND MONICA is still the odds-on favorite. If anyone is going to respond at all, I think it will be her. She’s active on Twitter, and I have made it clear that, should she agree to be my running mate, I will use every opportunity to divert my campaign’s resources towards promoting her current ABC show Cougar Town. I will do whatever it takes to keep that show on the air. (Although after Election Day, she will probably have to quit the show in order to serve as Vice President.)
FRIEND PHOEBE is probably the next most likely to lend a hand to an underdog campaign like ours. Her background in improv with The Groundlings, and her inclination towards off-the-beaten-path projects such as The Comeback and her current Showtime series Web Therapy (which itself began as a web series) make her all the more likely to embrace a program like The Chris Gethard Show, which has served as the launching pad for my candidacy.
FRIEND ROSS is a native New Yorker who spends at least some of the time living here, which makes it at least semi-plausible to imagine he might drop by the MNN studios on a random Wednesday night for a surprise campaign appearance. Down side: his personal twitter account has been dormant since August 2011.
FRIEND CHANDLER is semi-active on Twitter, so who knows? Maybe.
FRIENDS RACHEL and JOEY are the true long shots. Realistically, they are the least likely to even hear about the offer, since neither of them are on Twitter.
Am I a fool to think this could still work out? Perhaps. But stranger things have happened. I am going to keep trying, because I believe that one of them will ultimately learn about my offer, tweet the word “yes” to me, and the rest will be History.
No one told me life was gonna be this way,
Connor Ratliff (Age 36)
The Next President Of The United States Of America