THE FULL RATLIFF 35/2012 PRESS CONFERENCE!

Happy 4th Of July, America.

You never asked for this, but here it is. Almost a full hour of Presidential candidate Connor Ratliff (Age 36) talking to actual reporters. It wasn’t easy, but it happened, and here it is. No moment is left out.

Highlights include:

  • The public debut of Press Secretary Langan Kingsley
  • Questions about the candidate’s age (36)
  • Journalist Sal Gentile grills the candidate about something called The Federal Election Commission
  • Talking about not talking about the television show Murphy Brown
  • Journalists Jon Bershad and James Ramsay seem like they are going to be nicer than Sal Gentile, but in their own subtle ways they are just as mean
  • The first public unveiling of the expensive-but-well-worth-it RATLIFF 35/2012 GIANT-SIZED STADIUM BLANKET! (Available for purchase from CafePress!)
  • RATLIFF 35/2012 Gay & Latino Outreach “Random Orlando” is generally enthusiastic, makes a helpful staffing suggestion and brings along a handmade sign that is awesome
  • A demonstration of what a “3AM Phone Call” would be like under President Ratliff
  • The Statue Of Liberty can be seen in the distance (patriotic)
  • Fired RATLIFF 35 pollster Will Hines shows up, uninvited, and attempts to ruin everything with his bad vibes

It’s everything you ever wanted from a Press Conference, and MORE! 

We hope you will re-blog this, tweet about it, post pictures of yourselves watching it, and most importantly, make watching this video the centerpiece of your 4th Of July Party, Gathering, or Other Activity.

If you don’t have time to watch the full thing, or you are thinking “this sounds boring! Why would I EVER watch this?” please sample these edited highlights and then say to yourself “that was surprisingly watchable. I will now change my mind and watch that other, longer video. I’ll do it right now.”

If you watch only one Person-being-asked-questions-by-other-people Video this year, make it this one. Make it THIS video.

(Seriously, even if you don’t watch it, please trick two other people into actually watching it, okay? I need a few people to watch this thing, or I’ll feel like an idiot for standing in the sun for 55 minutes.)

Presidentially Yours,

Connor Ratliff (Age 36)

The Next President Of The United States Of America